This is the first of two planned articles detailing the experiences of a lung cancer care partner. If you would like to share your health experiences, please sign up here.
Tiffini Joseph works long hours at night as a hospital nurse, while also raising four children with her loving husband. On top of her already busy life, she is a fierce lung cancer advocate and works hard to educate others on issues surrounding the disease. All in honor of her late mother and best friend, Janet.
One thing that Tiffini often shares with people about her mother’s lung cancer diagnosis, is that everyone’s first reaction when she shared the news was, “Well, did she smoke?” Tiffini found the question to be isolating and guilt-inducing for her mother. It felt as if they were implying that she was somehow responsible for her own cancer.
Though seemingly innocent, some questions can cut deep for someone fighting for their life and already battling the feelings of guilt, shame and isolation that come with cancer. Tiffany says they can even serve to trivialize the grief of loved ones, as if to say they have less reason to grieve over someone who contributed to their own illness.
The reality is Janet had smoked at one point, but she’d quit about 16 years before her cancer diagnosis. She had also worked with chemicals and fumes for years as a nail technician, and any number of things could have contributed to her cancer. Regardless of what she was exposed to, the bottom line is that the cancer was not her fault and she didn’t deserve to get sick because she smoked years before.
“She was young and active, and she sometimes had more energy than I did. She rarely got sick. She never missed work. She was a vegetarian. She was your typical health-conscious person. There was never any indication that she was sick.”
Facing It Together
Janet was only 56 when she was diagnosed with stage IIII lung cancer. She never developed lung problems or any other warning signs typically associated with cancer. In fact, her only symptom at the time of her diagnosis was a recurring pain in her side.
Tiffini recalls waiting nervously in the hospital room with her mother, when the doctor came in to inform them that the seemingly harmless pain in Janet’s side—the pain that she thought was a pulled muscle from lifting her granddaughter—was actually caused by lung cancer. The cancer was so progressive it had already metastasized in her bones.
Their entire family was devastated, but Tiffini and Janet immediately made a promise to each other in the midst of that first wave of shock, fear and disbelief. They agreed that they would allow themselves to melt into the couch for a week, to wallow, to cry and grieve together. After that, they would get up every morning, get dressed and do something. So, that’s what they did.
For 18 months, Tiffini accompanied Janet to every doctor’s appointment and oversaw every aspect of her care. Thankfully Janet had already been living with Tiffini at the time of her diagnosis, as she’d moved in after Tiffini’s father passed away.
To say they made the most out of Janet’s remaining months would be an understatement. Tiffini and her mother took a cruise together, their entire family went on a vacation to Disneyworld, and they joyfully celebrated birthdays and holidays.
However, the fun adventures and joyful times were still heavy with fear and sadness for Tiffini. She often snuck away by herself to cry. She didn’t want her mother to see how truly overwhelmed she was or to feel responsible for making her sad.
Toward the end of Janet’s journey, Tiffini’s brother, sister-in-law and niece were able to move in with the family for an entire month to be close and provide support. It was hard to see her mother receiving hospice services, but Tiffini is thankful that her background as a nurse allowed her to care for her mother and keep her comfortable at home.
Overcome with emotion, Tiffini described her mother’s last day with gentle reverence, “She passed away in my living room on April 9th, 2010.”
A Mother’s Legacy
But Janet’s story doesn’t end there. Months after her mother’s passing, a newsletter from Lung Cancer Alliance (now GO2 Foundation for Lung Cancer) caught Tiffini’s eye when she was going through a stack of mail addressed to her mother. The newsletter featured opportunities to get involved during November in support of lung cancer awareness month, including hosting a Shine a Light on Lung Cancer event. Tiffini decided that would be a great way to honor her mother.
Thanks to her family and friends, Tiffini has been able to host seven of these annual gatherings. They’re not fundraisers, but rather a time for people to come together to listen to leading experts speak about lung cancer research and advancements, learn more about how to have meaningful discussions with medical professionals and legislators, hear from lung cancer survivors and caregivers, and connect as a local lung cancer community.
Tiffini has credited a large part of her strength and advocacy efforts to her loving family for their endless support:
“My brother, James, and I are all we have left of our parents. We hold each other up and take solace in knowing that together we remember our mom and do our best to honor her. My sister-in-law, Jessie, was more like a daughter to my mom and completely immersed herself in her care and helping all of us navigate our grief. She has been by my side every step of the way and I am forever grateful to have her in my life—from planning events to fundraising to helping make sure all of the grandkids know their Nana. My husband, Evans, supports all of my advocating endeavors and does his best to help the kids remember Nana. Family was absolutely everything to my mom and it would give her no greater joy than to know that I have an amazing support system and that her grandkids KNOW her.”
We want to encourage you to share Tiffini’s story and help her to continue raising lung cancer awareness!
Have you or someone you love been impacted by lung cancer? Please leave a comment below.
If you’d like to know more about caring for someone with terminal cancer, grieving the loss of a loved one, or supporting someone else who is going through these life seasons, keep an eye out for an upcoming post that shares Tiffini’s candid advice on these topics, titled, “Terminal Cancer and Life After Loss”.
Be sure to sign up for our newsletter to be notified about other posts like this!
I’m new to Health Stories Project, and just came across Tiffini’s brave journey. It immediately caught my eye, and I knew that I just had to read it…regardless of the painful emotions that I knew it would stir inside me. My journey as a caretaker to a lung cancer patient, was eerily similar.
My sister, Lori, was diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer on November 15th, 2019. I was fortunate enough to have been in Florida visiting her at the time, and was able to accompany her to her Oncology appointment. My trips to visit my family in Florida from my home in North Carolina, had become far, and few in between. You see, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus in 2007, and it has greatly impacted my ability to travel in recent years. So the fact that I was actually with her when she received her cancer diagnosis, was beyond ironic…I truly believe that it was meant to be.
Similar to what Tiffini’s mother experienced up until her diagnosis, my sister also had very few symptoms. Lori had been battling a persistent, dry cough for about a month. Like Judy, she too had some pain in her side, but she assumed that it was probably just some muscle strain caused by her constant coughing. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.
After only ONE MONTH since her cough started, she was diagnosed with stage IV-B Non Small Cell Lung Cancer. She had numerous tumors in both lungs, and it had already metastasized to her bones, as well. One tumor was located on her cervical spine (neck,) and it was so large, that it was dangerously close to compressing her spinal cord, which would’ve resulted in total paralysis. They immediately began radiation treatments on the tumors that were of the most concern, and/or were causing her pain.
A week after her diagnosis, I had to return home to NC. I’m a single mother of two teenage daughters, so I had to return to make further plans and arrangements… because deep down, I knew that it wouldn’t be long before I’d have to return to Florida to provide full-time care for my sister.
After completing numerous rounds of radiation, Lori eventually began chemotherapy treatments. Unfortunately, her body could only handle one treatment. That ONE chemo treatment, COMPLETELY obliterated her immune system. Her white blood cells were barely in existence. She had 2 blood transfusions, and 2 platelet transfusions in one day. Nothing was helping, and me she was only getting worse. It was at this point that she called me, and asked if I would fly back down to FL…she didn’t want anyone else but “Her Sissy,” to take care of her in final days. I was on the first flight out the following day. That was February 17th, 2020. My sister passed away at 6:32am on March 8th, 2020; only 20 days after I had arrived.
So, I’m sure you’re all wondering the same thing…was my sister a smoker??? The answer is, YES. She HAD smoked for approximately
14 years…but she had QUIT 21 YEARS before she was diagnosed!!!
The overwhelming feelings of loss, sadness, frustration, and anger, have been debilitating at times to say the very least. As I sit here typing this, tears stream down my face in a continuous flow. Still, to this day, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that my sister was gone in less than 4 months after receiving her diagnosis. HOW can something SO DEADLY, spread so RAPIDLY, and show little, to no warning signs?!?! That’s why lung cancer is so lethal. It’s also why I decided to share my story, my SISTER’S story, right here, right now, for the first time. As soon as I finished reading Tiffini’s story, I immediately felt compelled to do the same. We need to help spread awareness as much as we can. It’s my hope that at least ONE PERSON will feel compelled to do the same after reading my sister’s story.